Positive Parenting

Children are constantly exploring and testing both the world and you to see what works and what doesn’t, learning what’s right and wrong, safe and dangerous, appropriate and inappropriate, and so on. In fact, children are supposed to be doing this in order to learn anything at all about the world and the people in it. As the parent, you are the “guardian” of the boundaries, limits and rules, so naturally will be put in the position of enforcement and giving consequences.

There are two kinds of discipline — negative and positive. Both are effective in their own way, and both have long-term consequences for your child. Negative discipline, like yelling, spanking and other punishments, is effective in the moment because it almost immediately stops the misbehavior. In the long run, children who experience a lot of negative discipline learn to lie, be underhanded, pass blame and work very hard at not getting caught! Being honest becomes difficult for these children. The fear of the negative punishment will cause them to look for a way out of trouble.

Positive discipline is a longer process and takes focus, intention and patience. The long-term goal is to teach children self-discipline by getting them to understand and experience the consequences of their behavior. This is quite a task! Positive discipline is not for the faint-hearted. It takes calm and patience. Your focus is on “breaking” your child’s misbehavior, and not your child. Effective positive discipline needs to be consistent, predictable for the child, and handled in the same way by all the adults in the home. If there are too many inconsistencies, your child will quickly figure out how to act out to get what they want.

Try these two techniques and note the positive changes in your child:

Natural Consequences are things that just happen because children are being careless, not listening to warnings, or just being children. It’s often far more beneficial to let it happen than not, as these experiences are powerful teachers, provided these consequences are not physically harmful, of course. Your role is to explain to your child what has happened and then pause to let them think. Example, “Michael, your cup fell over because you’re not sitting still at the table. Now your clothes are wet and there’s no more milk.” Pause, and then take the next step.

Logical Consequences are consequences that are attached to specific actions or misbehaviors. The trick here is that they need to be logically connected. If your child makes a mess, the logical consequence is to have him clean it up. Everything stops for the child until clean-up has happened. It’s a simple act of “Do and Undo.”

These two simple strategies give you, the parent, a starting point to handling challenging behaviors and can help you rein in your own emotional response. Both of you will be happier and calmer for it in the long run!

#health