Communication and Connection
Many parents get frustrated when their children don’t seem to listen to them. It is important to recognize that sometimes, as parents, we don’t communicate in a way that allows children to fully understand what we are saying.
Changing the way you talk to your child will change the way your child listens to you. Here are some tips to get you there:
Understand where your child’s language development is. Be sure your expectations for your child are realistic. For example, if your toddler has just decorated your bathroom wall with crayons, you may be tempted to ask, “Why did you do that?” But a toddler does not have the verbal skills to answer that question. You would do better asking, “What did you do here?” and then helping your child to verbalize their actions. Then, follow up with setting out your rules or expectations.
Have regular conversations with your child. Many parents feel as if they are talking to their children all day long. Often this “talking” is made up of asking questions and giving instructions. Challenge yourself to chat with your child. Just “shoot the breeze” and talk with, and not at. Listen carefully to their responses and respond with full sentences. Avoid, “Oh, that’s nice” and trite answers like that. Try for at least one minute of conversation for every hour you spend with your child. As your children grow in their communication skills, they are more likely to talk with you because you have been doing it since they were very young.
Give clear instructions. Young children may struggle to follow the instructions given to them by their parents simply because they don’t understand what’s expected of them. Children usually only hear the first or last thing you say, so keep it simple and short. Give one instruction at a time, so that the brain can process it and move the body into following the instruction. For example: If you want your child to stop playing, put away their toys, wash their hands, and sit down to lunch, don’t do this: “Susie, it’s lunch time. You need to clean up and come and sit down. And don’t forget to wash your hands.” Too confusing for Susie to sort out, and too much information. Chances are Susie will show up for lunch without putting away her toys or washing her hands! Try this instead: “Susie, you have five more minutes to play, and then put away your toys” In five minutes, say, “Susie, put away your toys” Wait for that to happen, and then give the next instruction, in sequence. This method works well with all ages of children. As they get better at following instructions, you can string two together. Remember: INSTRUCTION-ACTION-INSTRUCTION-ACTION! This method allows your child to experience success and not confusion! And you get the benefit of cooperative children!
And most of all, have fun and maintain a healthy balance of talking with and talking at your children.
