A Celebration of Love
February is synonymous with LOVE because of Valentine’s Day. Couples set aside their differences and celebrate their love for that one day. The ideal is to celebrate love every day.
Most couples have issues or conflict in some area. Other couples have a single issue that echoes so loudly they can’t even connect to one another in the areas they agree. Some couples have gotten into the habit of battling over everything and others sweep anything unpleasant under the rug...most fall in-between. Neither strategy creates the environment for a lush and lively romantic relationship.
I don’t mean to imply that creating a loving relationship is easy. Simple in theory doesn’t mean easy in practice. Rarely is something rewarding accomplished easily. Nothing in human experience is more rewarding than a happy marriage and a thriving family. There are a few guidelines to achieve the desired goal. The following quotation is the best advice on marriage I ever received as a young wife and mother.
“Every lasting marriage goes through a series of ‘divorces’ in its lifetime.”
The words did not seem encouraging at first hearing. But over the years, they came back again and again to remind me to “hang in there” when plodding through the inevitable deep valleys that occur in every relationship. Couples repaint walls, reseed lawns, replace worn furniture, renovate outdated bathrooms, and discard obsolete appliances, but rarely undertake to revive diminished desire or update outworn, ineffective relationship strategies and behaviors.
When you fell in love the relationship was your top priority. Lovers invest time and energy planning romantic encounters to secure a beloved’s affections. Blissful romantic moments in long-term relationships don’t happen unless affection and appreciation is nurtured and choreographed into daily life. Creating time and space for magic doesn’t guarantee that bliss will follow, but NOT making courtship and couple time a priority guarantees that magic is unlikely to occur.
Last month I wrote about upgrading your relationship in the new year. The inevitable mini-divorces are wake-up calls. February is the perfect time to rejoice in the love that brought you together, to build on the parts you do well, and to face honestly and with open hearts the elements that no longer serve you. Direct your energy and resources into creating the relationship you want. Your individual goal is to become the partner you want to have.
Remember, foreplay isn’t something you engage in only for sex; it is the affection you shower on your beloved every day that leads to intimate, loving encounters. Make romance a priority and magic moments will happen. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Joy Evans Peterson, M.A.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
Author of “22 Myths of Divorce” and “Discovering A Dynamic Marriage.”
