Better Together

Recently I attended a festive celebration where hundreds lined the streets to watch bands, gymnasts and all kinds of of characters in the local parade. In the midst of the regalia, a young boy watching caught my attention. Holding a sizable bag, this young boy was prepared to scoop up the candy and small tokens tossed by those in the parade. His mother instructed him not to push in front of the smaller boy to his right. Later, she asked him to share some of his candy with that same boy. The basic skills she was teaching her son, to be polite and to share, will help him “play well with others” not only at the parade, but throughout his life.

We value “playing well together” and teach our children “how it works.” Nevertheless, I meet many professionals who attempt to “go it alone.” The skills this mother was teaching her young son are not simply for “playing nice.” They’re necessary to address the complexities we face today.

Shortly after a historic oil spill, one of my colleagues ran a weeklong team building exercise to reveal the value of looking out for others. The instructor provided a group of executives with instructions. Fill a bucket with water from the river and build a raft with the materials provided: half-a-dozen two-by-fours, four inner tubes and a length of rope. Imagine the bucket is filled with unrefined oil. Design your raft to support your bucket of oil and your entire team. You will then float from this beach to that large rock about 500 feet down river. Remember, we like our river and don’t want any oil spills.

Three teams of six formed. Bragging that its strategy was best, each team began to construct a raft. The first team launched their raft, which floated about fifteen feet and broke apart in the middle of the river, spilling its "oil" and soaking the team. Angry voices declared the task to be "stupid."

Meanwhile, the second group finished their raft and floated past the "wet team," laughing and name-calling.

The third team hadn’t gotten off the beach. The second team extended its ridicule to this team. Seeing the first team's failure and experiencing the humiliation heaped on them by the second team, the team on the beach began to argue. Some members of the team found a rock to sit on, determined not to participate. The teams had established their positions: a winner, a loser, and "not playing."

The discussion following the "Don't Spill the Oil" game generated emotional fireworks. When the instructor restored order and gave each person a chance to share their experience, feelings began to mellow. One question still lingered. "What was the point?"

The instructor asked:

1. Did anyone say this was a race?

2. Did anyone tell you not to help each other?

3. Would it have been more satisfying and enjoyable if everyone had won?

One man exclaimed, "Oh, my! Why am I so programmed to compete instead of cooperate? We had all the talent we needed to get all three rafts down the river, but we didn't even consider how we could help another team.”

The instructor smiled. “There are two ways to do everything: the hard way and the easy way. The easy way is working together.”

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