“I Hate to Read!”

From the time we are born, we learn things by trial and error. Every experience ends in one of two ways:

• REWARD - That worked! I got attention! I got affection! I got what I needed!

• PUNISHMENT - That was too much work! I will avoid that from now on!

As we go through this process we call life, we sift and sort experiences into categories. We learn what we like and dislike, subconsciously keeping a record in the hippocampal region of our brain. Very simply stated, we do things for pleasure or to avoid pain. It’s the way our brains are wired. The brain changes with every experience and keeps a subconscious list of how those experiences played out – “Was it pleasurable or was it painful?”

Ever wondered what drives your preferences? It is your subconscious! As an adult you hopefully have the cognitive awareness to know you can’t avoid every unpleasant task and push through. A child, however, does not have a fully developed frontal lobe to override those tugs from the emotional center of the brain that warn her to avoid unpleasant things, and that is where problems arise.

Your little kiddo is not consciously trying to be difficult, but is ruled by a subconscious need to avoid something to avoid feeling badly. We know that most of us put off doing things we find boring, tedious or difficult. We call it procrastinating.

When your child says she hates to read, what she is really saying is that the last time she tried to read, it was hard and she will avoid that task from now on, even if it means getting in trouble or displeasing you.

Not every learning disability is as obvious to notice as dyslexia or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). That quiet polite child who isn’t causing a ruckus may be silently struggling to learn and may be feeling inadequate. Does this sound like your child or your teenager?

Here are some common signs to watch for at school and home while doing homework:

• Easily distracted

• Class clown – the distractor!

• Incomplete assignments

• Making excuses or lying about homework

• Complaining about being tired or hungry when it’s time to do homework

• Whining, acting out, negotiating

• Resting head on arm or table

• Slumped posture when reading or writing

• Subvocalizing when reading directions

• Tracing the words with a finger in order to read

A child who feels inadequate is at risk for acting out, self-esteem issues, depression and other behavioral issues. These are the invisible disabilities behind the visible ones.

Imagine the pain of a mom watching her child shunned on the playground because he was “that child” who acted out because of insecurities or because he felt different than his peers.

Sometimes as parents you just can’t love them enough to overcome their internal feelings of inadequacy when they feel they are different because they can’t learn as easily as their peers or when can’t sit still no matter how hard they try. Seek out help on how to identify and address these issues. You and your child will no longer feel alone.

#homeessentials