Home for the Holidays

This December, many adult children of aging parents will make the long distance trek back home for the holidays. As they plan for their reunion, they can’t help but wonder if this will be the turning point in their parents’ living arrangements for the new year. Here are some answers to common questions asked at this time of year of National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM).

How do I approach this awkward topic with my elderly parents?

If you are increasingly concerned that critical things are slipping at your parents’ home (the food is spoiling, or the unpaid bills are piling up), then it is important to bring up the issue with them. Use a light-hearted tone, show respect and most of all remember that most of us don’t feel our age – can you relate? Emphasize the goal of asking for extra help: less stress, fewer burdens and easier chores (point out they get to define the parameters to protect their privacy and dignity).

Consider taking them out for dinner or for a walk so that you can have the conversation in neutral territory. Be patient - it often takes time to process.

How do I talk about my loved one’s loss of autonomy?

Imagine being in their position: what are they feeling? Fear? Uncertainty? Loss? Understanding those emotions will better prepare you for the patience required. If their safety is at risk, you’ll have to take action to protect their well-being. But giving them power over even the smallest of decisions, and as many as possible, is important.

Consider hiring a professional Geriatric Care Manager to act as a neutral party in evaluating options and offering support.

What can I do if my parents refuse to talk?

While honoring their perspective, it is also helpful to share how you feel. “When I see you struggling to do your own laundry, it makes me feel sad that you are carrying this responsibility all on your own. I would really love to help so that you can have more time to relax and do the hobbies that you love.” Speak with empathy; emphasize the positive outcomes and practice active listening. If one parent is clearly playing a caregiving role, privately ask how well he or she is coping with that, as they are likely hiding their struggle.

Geriatric Care Managers advise families when the next step isn’t clear. In-home caregivers assess and provide feedback. Referral agencies make recommendations for senior living communities. Senior move managers trained by NASMM provide organizational support and oversee a transition to a new home when the time comes.

Remember you are not alone in wanting what is best for your parents. Ask lots of questions, evaluate options and ask for support. Take care of yourself, so that you’ll have the physical, mental and emotional energy to support them.

#homeessentials